The Fallen~Sparrow~Hawk

Milkshake-slammers                      Dumfries        20 February 2002

Ahh a little bit of relaxation in Bakers Oven, erst-while Olivers Bakery. Dierk, who did tarot to an inebriated me  after 5 pints and helpings from his three whisky bottles, (He’s on the wagon) and joints. My ruling card is Judgement corresponding to number 20 which is arrived at by adding the numbers of my birth date. A tree of life, my life laid out on the carpet between us cross-legged and  though I tried hard to dismiss Dierk’s schizophrenia, it kept coming back at moments of incomprehension. I am coming into money. Hallelujah! I was represented by the Fool. I guess I do perpetuate the fool e.g. card. Hence my song;

I may play the fool

Of the painted face

The dunce at school

Earlier, the stars said Capricorn needs to be of service and though I recognise this to be true I sometimes get tired and need a refill which is why I am here.

I read Dierks; Chinese/Western star sign and, yes, he is uncommonly perceptive.

Apropos the Fool, buffoon, clown, scapegoat, grand guignol, gay, jester, there is something to be said for hiding it á la Mark. In that way you don’t have to play up to it, disrespecting yourself in order to amuse others. The fool is a defence mechanism, a way of fending off criticism and abuse and shame; not a warrior at all.  I began by joking about hetro spasms in the sixth form. Scrape it away I realise if one can love another man then it is God-given.

The local teenagers hang out shoulder to shoulder with the blue-rinse-brigade in the back of the bakery. One has purple hair, another, a boy, sports make-up; they are firmly on the road of the tea-drinking tradition. Other children, much younger, sit obediently tucking into scones, with their families. Midsteaple.

The student looking girl in front of me sits reading Geisha; she sports a red and white stripy headscarf. I’ve just heard the guy with the make-up, his voice is effeminate, he is very young. Must watch…….fledgling buffoon.

Dierk is in deep conversation with a woman from Kircowen. She specialises in Kabala of the heart; he specialises in that of the head. He, Dierk recognises he is unfinished; maybe she can fill in what’s missing. Numerology…..it’s all figures to me.

So, I would hide and in hiding, sexually would manipulate. The guys…..hang on; the Milkshake-slammers are predominantly dressed in black. One has a Curt Cobain picture on the front of his sweat shirt; the camp youth also wears black nail varnish.

One of the girls with rainbow hair has red contact lenses.

Anyway, I will soon get out on the road and head for Newton Stewart. I might try to get a lift to the Doon from David and Irma. Fingers crossed.