The Fallen~Sparrow~Hawk; Clear-fell

Clear-fell    March 27, 2002

It dawned on me that the area of cleared trees that stretches out to the loch is called ‘clear-fell’. When I first grasped the sound I thought it was ‘clearfeld’; it could easily be the origin of this Afrikaner word as with ‘field made ready for planting’.

Today, though there is a chill wind blowing, I fancy the loch shore. I might identify some of the birds with the help of a book and a pair of binoculars.

There are mole hills pocking the farmer’s field by us and the occasional badger has been spotted. There is also an otter which I would love to see.

I am living off oats in the morning and whatever potatoes I can find. There is also rice and cabbages. It is possible to sustain life and limb this way.

Roy, who I have only seen once since I got back, told me to beware crossing the moors as it is lambing season and the sheep and the rams can get pretty boisterous in defence of their young. I have already had a run-in with them once in the Lake District. Roy said an acquaintance of his was first knocked over and, because their backs are flat, he was bounced around for a good while and came out of the experience pretty beat up and sore. I think I’ll take the road to Roy’s for the moment.

Mentioning the clear-fell, the caravan I have been staying in since my return from Glasgow is on the edge of the clear-fell and will, because of the dampness, be swarming with midges come the right conditions. I hope they don’t come indoors.

Green funerals, I’ve been looking into it. I wouldn’t mind becoming a green funerals broker. There are apparently 150 woodland areas which allow woodland burials. There are coffin makers and painters and designers of urns for ashes. There are also celebrants, 9 I think. (That is the word for those who hold ceremonies?). Many people would like to design the ceremony themselves, but if I could have agents working for me, for whom I get bookings then they could orchestrate the whole thing. I would like to visit one on the 14^th. I must do it properly though. I would like to drive. Get the manual or handbook of locations for £12 something. I’ll send a postal order. I would like to visit each woodland area to describe it to people and create a package that of course is cheaper than the normal funeral. I must research the whole thing.

Anyway, I screamed at Mark for having, as he put it, ‘been forgiven by Debbie’ ( thus forgiving himself lightly), which I didn’t think was fair. I lied and said I had spoken with her and that I had a boyfriend and that I only went with men who had girlfriends. He text me the words. ‘You cunt’ and ‘You should be happy now you’ve destroyed me in every way!’